Alone in a home of two

The sound of leftover rain was soothing to Annie. The holiday season had left her exhausted in every way. It didn't help that she felt so alone. She sat staring out the window that her desk sat in front of; wondering what next December would be like. Annie felt as though her soul was depressed. She was truly at the end of one journey and wondering what the next journey would be like. 

It was Sunday and she had a mid-term to take--one of which she was terrified she'd fail. She was so close to a perfect score and wanted to keep it that way. Her online classes were the only things that kept her from not crashing into a complete depression. As she sat at her desk researching and writing the mid-term essay that was worth 40 points she glanced to her left. There he was. The man that was supposed to be her support, her partner, and her comfort. Instead, he was a stranger. Jake did not offer any encouraging words to her. In fact, the only conversation he offered, usually, was about the online game he played. From the time he woke up until nearly two the next morning Jake was on his game. He didn't pursue anything else in life, except winning the lottery that he never had the money to play. 

Jake had admitted to many infidelities in the past and Annie was always worried that more would follow. After seeing evidence of Jake's mind and heart beginning to wander again she knew it was just a matter of time before he physically wandered. Annie knew when she went to work that he must feel free from the conformity of a relationship. She sort of laughed at that. What relationship? she thought. Sure, he does a few things that are helpful, but they are things that anyone can do. I can do my own laundry, get my own groceries, make the bed, and wash the dishes. Annie realized that the only two things that he did mostly was the laundry and get the majority of the groceries. Oh, yes, and empty the trash. Of course, she also admitted that he helped a great deal with the electronics in the house, but in all her years of being single and truly alone, Annie did not have a problem managing her own electronics. What Annie needed was a man who greeted her in the morning with a good morning; a man who showed her true affection. Annie needed a partner that helped with the financial future and someone who knew how to truly bond in a partnership. Annie had a glorified roommate who slept in the same bed. 

Annie cried a lot these days and wondered how she was going to make her life happy again. She did the only thing she knew to do--and that was to reach out to her friends and family. It had been a while since she had done this. She had put everything that she was into her relationship with Jake. Annie couldn't believe what happened. There was an outpouring of love and encouragement along with a lot of advice from everyone. They loved her and missed her. 

Alone in a home of two was not the life Annie wanted. If she wanted to come home to an empty home with no real conversation, she would be single again. People used to tell Annie how lucky she was; that she was better off to be single. Those were times that she was always looking for someone to have a relationship with. She realized that she was happier living alone. Annie had more conversations when she was single than she did now. How can that be? she thought. One way or another Annie was going to continue on with her life. She would pursue her degree and continue to look for a better paying job. Annie decided that the new year was a new beginning. Things were going to change. One day she would be happy in a home of one.  

I saw a stork

I saw a Stork

on my way to work.

Looking through the window,

I saw a Stork.

I saw a Stork.

That made me smile.

It had been a while, the smile.

I saw a Stork.

Thanks, Mom

As she sat alone on the bench in the round-about in front of her favorite store in the mall she wondered where time had spent its days. Was time on vacation? Time didn't seem as though it was aware that the world was still turning. Life had not been friendly and she realized how lonely she was. She had many friends and acquaintances, but here she was in the mall all alone once again. She ate lunch alone, shopped alone, went to the movies alone. She was certain that people knew she had the weekends off from her job but nobody every invited her to go anywhere or do anything. She felt like she was begging when she would call a friend and ask what they were doing for the weekend. Everyone was always telling her that she was so likable so why would they exclude her? 

From the time she was a young girl, she knew she was the independent type but that didn't mean that she didn't need companionship or friendship. There were several moments in her life that she had one or two friends that she would see every day or at least nearly every day. Then, like this time in her life, she didn't have anyone that seemed interested in spending time with her. As she sat there on that bench alone she felt tears water up in her eyes and she shook them off.  "No." she thought. I'm not going to cry. Not here. 

As she walked to the bus stop, she felt bored with her life, even desperate. There has to be more to life and she was going to find it. As she sat on yet another bench waiting for the bus she watched the people park their cars, get out of their cars, lock the doors, and walk together talking and laughing as they made their way to the mall doors. Again, that feeling of emptiness appeared. "I have nobody to talk to or laugh with," she said  out loud but only loud enough for herself to hear. She checked her phone to see if anyone had texted her but as usual there was nothing to read. The bus would arrive soon and an elderly lady sat down to wait for the same bus. The lady nodded her head and smiled. 

The bus finally arrived and she paid her two dollars and sat in the front seat. The air conditioning felt so good compared to the heat outside. She was suddenly tired and felt as though she could fall asleep at that very moment. A few more people boarded the bus and soon after the bus pulled away and started down the road. She was in a daze as she looked out of the window. Each time someone pulled the cord she heard the automated message on the bus saying "Stop requested." The bus was finally nearing her stop and she pulled the cord. The bus stopped and she gathered her handbag and unboarded the bus. She felt a little relieved that she was soon going to be in her own safe and comfy home. As she was crossing the road careful to watch for the break in traffic she thought about her mom. That brought an instant smile to her face and she decided to call her mom when she got home. 

She walked down the sidewalk toward her apartment building, crossed the middle parking lot where the mail boxes were located. She checked her mail and pulled out the electric bill, a few store flyers and an envelope addressed to her from her mom. She knew what it was. Her mom would often cut out coupons from the Sunday paper and send them in the mail to her along with a short note of encouragement. 

She walked down the outside hallway to her apartment, unlocked the door, took off her shoes and picked up the phone. She dialed her mother's number and began to talk to the best friend she ever had. "Thanks, Mom," she said. 

A map unfinished

It's been a dark and dreary road that she has travelled for so long that she can hardly remember what it is like to see the road ahead in perfect clarity. She is constantly clearing the obstacles in her path and realizes how slow her progress has been. There was a time when she happily skipped along a bright and smooth path that brought her daily joy. She thinks back on those days. So carefree and it was the best time of her life. But the decades change and with that change dark clouds appear and bring strong storms. A flooding of obstacles and locked doors are around every corner of her life. She finally stops to rest and takes out the map of her life’s journey. She stares at the blank white sections of the map. What is supposed to be there she wonders? A time has come that she knows will eventually add more roads and paths to her map. She knows it will be a forever changing map. And even though the blank sections scare her she knows that she will not have to discover the changes alone. 

As she looks back at the road behind her she catches a glimpse of hard times that have plagued her for many years. She glances to her right and see’s laughter which reminds her of the decade of her 20s. Glancing to the left she saw tears combined with frustration and loneliness. That was a bad road on her map. It was the decade of her 30s. But alas she remembers the decade of her 40s which is quickly reaching its end. This current decade has been the most volatile. She is hoping that the next decade will bring her back to brightness and joy and success. She is hoping the map of her life will journey into roads that bring forth renewed energy. She looks down and refolds her map, her unfinished map of life.